Well here I am, almost done turning over my job (the rest of the PRT is still not even here yet, probably stuck in Bagram just like we were).
My job involves a lot of redundancy. There are no fewer than four "trackers", excel spreadsheets which must be updated because someone likes to look at them. In addition, there is an online (with slow connection speeds of course) data repository into which we must upload all of our documents concerning any project. We must have paper copies as well, naturally. And the signed paper copies must be scanned in and uploaded to previously mentioned repository. Paper copies must be kept for at least 3 years. Storage facility?? I think not.
Now on to missions. If the Brigade even approves a mission to go QA/QC (quality assurance/control) check a worksite (they think this place is like dangerous or something), the B.S. continues once we get back. QA visit forms must be filled out (actually a very useful tool). Results must be emailed to the contractor (makes sense). Then we have to upload the forms to previously mentioned repository. Any pictures we took on the visit? That's right, respository. Now, what does the colonel who commands Brigade (who won't let us go out to scarry places) want? Storyboards.
Let me tell you about a storyboard. A storyboard is an intricate Powerpoint slide (only one) that gives a snapshot of whatever you want the big man to see, showing as much information on one slide as possible, shown to the big man for 17 seconds before he says "Next!" to his lackey at the keyboard. Time spent looking at said storyboard: 17 seconds. Time spent creating storyboard? At least 30 minutes. One storyboard per mission, right? No, one per QA visit, one per conversation with Mullah/Shura/District Governor/Random Elder Dude.
End result? I will be completely amazed if I get any actual reconstruction work done dispite all the BS paperwork (although the repository is an excellent tool, if used correctly which we don't). Probability I will blow off storyboards until yelled at at least twice? High.
28 February 2010
25 February 2010
Another day, another adventure
This post is slightly gross, so I apologize in advance. I experienced something that I hoped I would not have to, with only like 3 weeks in country: My first true Afghan poop.
No need to adjust your screen, you read that correctly. If you have ever seen video of Afghans, they have this squat that they do. It looks like a cathcer's pose in baseball, but they rest on their calves. It must kill their knees (not that the rest of them is guaranteed to live long anyways). Their bathrooms are missing an American/European/Rest of the World important feature. Something to sit on. How do they go #2? You guessed it. So I am waiting at the Governor's house in my BAV (Big Ass Vehicle) with the rest of the PRT bubbas waiting on a few people talking to the governor, and the afghan food I ate at lunch hits with a vengence. I go to the bathroom in one of the outer buildings of the governor's complex, and I see the afghan toliet, sitting there, mocking me. It is a porcelin goddess of it's own kind. Standing only about an inch off the ground (piping in the floor), its basically a porcelin hole with designated areas to put your feet. Now picture me, with body armor and gun, facing my most serious adversary yet. I leave the rest to your imagination....
That's all for now, ask me sometime about the waste disposal truck at the base...
No need to adjust your screen, you read that correctly. If you have ever seen video of Afghans, they have this squat that they do. It looks like a cathcer's pose in baseball, but they rest on their calves. It must kill their knees (not that the rest of them is guaranteed to live long anyways). Their bathrooms are missing an American/European/Rest of the World important feature. Something to sit on. How do they go #2? You guessed it. So I am waiting at the Governor's house in my BAV (Big Ass Vehicle) with the rest of the PRT bubbas waiting on a few people talking to the governor, and the afghan food I ate at lunch hits with a vengence. I go to the bathroom in one of the outer buildings of the governor's complex, and I see the afghan toliet, sitting there, mocking me. It is a porcelin goddess of it's own kind. Standing only about an inch off the ground (piping in the floor), its basically a porcelin hole with designated areas to put your feet. Now picture me, with body armor and gun, facing my most serious adversary yet. I leave the rest to your imagination....
That's all for now, ask me sometime about the waste disposal truck at the base...
23 February 2010
Restless....
I am already getting restless here on the Base. I haven't been out in
a few days, and the base seems to get smaller with every day. I try
to blow off some steam by working out, but my workload (which is
smaller now because the guys I am relieveing are still here) is large
enough to keep me busy until at least 9 every night. Once they are
gone, I think I will be working every day (no rest) at least 12 hours
a day. Which is no more than I was working on the sub, but there is a
great difference. I was locked in the sub. Opening the door (esp. at
several hundred feet) was not really a preferred option. Here,
however, where there are missions outside the wire every day, there is
a wide world outside, but I sit like Budda in a six-foot cell (10
points for the correct reference). But my job is managing contracts
more than visiting the jobsites, so I get to get out of "the wire"
much less often. It's amazing how I can be no more than a few miles
from downtown, but the bustle and the people are a world away as soon
as I get inside the walls. I'm sure I will feel much differently
about the FOB the first time my convoy gets attacked (hopefully
never). Then it will have walls that protect instead of walls that
ensnare. But for now all I want to do is be outside the base, and all
I usually am is inside. Ah well....
a few days, and the base seems to get smaller with every day. I try
to blow off some steam by working out, but my workload (which is
smaller now because the guys I am relieveing are still here) is large
enough to keep me busy until at least 9 every night. Once they are
gone, I think I will be working every day (no rest) at least 12 hours
a day. Which is no more than I was working on the sub, but there is a
great difference. I was locked in the sub. Opening the door (esp. at
several hundred feet) was not really a preferred option. Here,
however, where there are missions outside the wire every day, there is
a wide world outside, but I sit like Budda in a six-foot cell (10
points for the correct reference). But my job is managing contracts
more than visiting the jobsites, so I get to get out of "the wire"
much less often. It's amazing how I can be no more than a few miles
from downtown, but the bustle and the people are a world away as soon
as I get inside the walls. I'm sure I will feel much differently
about the FOB the first time my convoy gets attacked (hopefully
never). Then it will have walls that protect instead of walls that
ensnare. But for now all I want to do is be outside the base, and all
I usually am is inside. Ah well....
I am really learning a lot about the mistakes of the past when it
comes to reconstruction efforts. When the PRT's came into Afghanistan
(starting around 2005), the emphasis was on dollar amounts.
Relationships were formed with local leaders, but they were centered
arond "what can we do for you?" rather than the more important
question of "what is wrong with the Afghan government". We placed
ourselves first, with several American assumptions in our minds. The
first was that we were the solution for all the problems of this
country. The second was that we had all the answers, and that
American answers work the best. What this attitude has created is an
Afghan government that is highly adept at living off of American money
and not one that is capable of running itself. It doesn't matter that
all the money in the central government is American, what matters is
that the government has the ability to split up and spend its
resources effectively, which it currently does not. In my province,
the PRT has spent the last nine months getting the provincial and
district governments to take a hard look and decide where to best
spend the money available to it (READ: PRT Money). Now the challenge
is to get them to learn to effectively use the systems in place in
their government to get the money (STILL AMERICAN MONEY, REALLY) from
the central government. Concurrent with that, we are going to try and
get them to learn what an operating budget is, and how if they show
the central government that they will need that money next fiscal
cycle, they might even have it before they need it. Maybe we can get
the director of Public works to use some of his money in the budget in
order to actually buy oil so it can be in stock when the road
maintenance equipment he has (from us) needs regular preventative
maintenance (imagine that).
If you ever really want to get depressed, just let me tell you dollar
amounts....
That's all for this update from the Wall.
Via con juevos....
21 February 2010
Finally Here
I have unfortunately not updated my blog in quite a while, I blame being very busy at Atterbury, and then the lack of connectivity here in AF. But, believe it or not....
I'm finally in Afghanistan!!!
So now the real work begins. I am the CERP fund manager, here at the ol' PRT. What does that mean? good question. The Commander's Emergnecy Response Program was developed as a way to provide humanitarian aid from military units to the people of Iraq and Afghanistan. The money origianally came from millions on american cash that were found in the palaces of the former ruler of Iraq (now deceased). That money has long since been depleted and it is now money directly from the taxpayers.
So I hand out taxpayer dollars to Afghanis in order to build wells, and schools, and roads, and clinics, and other cool stuff. Easy right?
Wrong. First, there are the layers of beaurocratic BS. Originally, CERP was basically a bank account that commanders could use to tackle the humanitarian problems they saw in their areas of operation as they saw fit. Problem? Little to no tracking of MILLIONS. Some greedy military officers are in jail because they mailed home hundreds of thousands in CERP cash. Sooooooo....... how do you solve corruption? Make it harder to spend the money. Now CERP projects have to be submitted, and the paperwork filed in triplicate, and the right forms filled out. Now it's just more complicated to waste taxpayer money....
Not that what I am doing is wasting. The people here in Afghanistan desperately need to be brought out of the 16th century in more ways than just having Kalashnikovs and RPG's. They can't read or write, don't have clean water, but they can program a 2-way radio and wire it into an explosive charge. The women here hide themselves from our convoys as we roll down the street. The poverty here is amazing, the Taliban are one of the highest paying gigs in town, and they pay $350 a month (much more than the national army). There is much to do
Speaking of much to do, I must go to bed. It is late here, and the morning call to prayer will be ringing through the town with "Allah hu Akbar" in a few hours....
I'm finally in Afghanistan!!!
So now the real work begins. I am the CERP fund manager, here at the ol' PRT. What does that mean? good question. The Commander's Emergnecy Response Program was developed as a way to provide humanitarian aid from military units to the people of Iraq and Afghanistan. The money origianally came from millions on american cash that were found in the palaces of the former ruler of Iraq (now deceased). That money has long since been depleted and it is now money directly from the taxpayers.
So I hand out taxpayer dollars to Afghanis in order to build wells, and schools, and roads, and clinics, and other cool stuff. Easy right?
Wrong. First, there are the layers of beaurocratic BS. Originally, CERP was basically a bank account that commanders could use to tackle the humanitarian problems they saw in their areas of operation as they saw fit. Problem? Little to no tracking of MILLIONS. Some greedy military officers are in jail because they mailed home hundreds of thousands in CERP cash. Sooooooo....... how do you solve corruption? Make it harder to spend the money. Now CERP projects have to be submitted, and the paperwork filed in triplicate, and the right forms filled out. Now it's just more complicated to waste taxpayer money....
Not that what I am doing is wasting. The people here in Afghanistan desperately need to be brought out of the 16th century in more ways than just having Kalashnikovs and RPG's. They can't read or write, don't have clean water, but they can program a 2-way radio and wire it into an explosive charge. The women here hide themselves from our convoys as we roll down the street. The poverty here is amazing, the Taliban are one of the highest paying gigs in town, and they pay $350 a month (much more than the national army). There is much to do
Speaking of much to do, I must go to bed. It is late here, and the morning call to prayer will be ringing through the town with "Allah hu Akbar" in a few hours....
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